My husband and I have been married almost a year (and, yes, I know that isn't a long time). And I *really* wish we were in a position to be ready for children, because I want them desparately. But we're not and won't be for a long while -- probably almost 3 years. First of all, my husband just wants to be married for a while longer before we start trying. And he also needs to get his LPN license before he'll be making enough money for us to be able to afford kids. And he can't get in to a program, at the earliest, until August 2007, and it's a year-long program, which means we can't start trying at the earliest until August of 2008. And we're going to have a hard enough time managing on my salary for the year he's at school, just by ourselves, let alone with a baby. I also have PCOS, which comes with its own fertility problems, of course. And I'm also getting older all the time (I know we all are, but I'm 27 and don't feel I have the luxury of time that women who are younger may have). Especially considering the PCOS. We've also discussed adoption extensively, but it's also very expensive. I accept the fact the there's simply nothing we can do about trying to get pregnant or adopt right now, because we just wouldn't be able to afford a baby if I was lucky and blessed enough to get pregnant anyway, or somehow find the money to adopt one. I accept that it's just the way things have to be. I don't have any problem understanding that part of things. I'm just having trouble reconciling the fact that where I want to be and where we are are so far apart. And I just wonder what I'm going to do with myself for the next 3 years. My husband only gets mad every time I bring it up -- he says I'm hounding him about it. So I really can't (or shouldn't, at least) talk to him any more about it. And it seems like everyone else I know is trying anyway, whether they seem to be able to afford it or not. And they don't understand -- they all say that we could afford it somehow or something. Um, no we couldn't -- we can barely pay our bills as is right now, with no baby.
I'm sorry if this sounds horribly whiny. It probably does, and I know that. But I guess I'm hoping to find someone who at least understands -- someone who's not able to try for some reason, or someone with suggestions to help me deal with the wait. I'd welcome suggestions of websites, books, or anything that might help me.